S- School Run

This is how it goes:

- Take 45 minutes to get myself and three children washed and dressed (without  make up or nice hair)
- Settle baby in buggy
- Ask if anyone needs the toilet
- Put coats, gloves, scarves, hats etc on at door
- Eldest child: "need a poo"
- Eldest child strips from the waist down
- Commentary on poo (inc size, colour and wiping)
- Middle child wakes baby
- Re-dress eldest child whilst jiggling buggy
- Leave house with three children
- Remember about dinner money/ PE kit/water bottle/homework/ridiculous random item needed for that day e.g. egg box or something less specific like "an item in the shape of a cylinder"
- Leave children in front garden and return to house
- Retrieve forgotten item
- Separate children fighting over pushing the buggy
- Retrieve buggy from the middle of the street
- Wipe a snotty nose
- Take a deep breath
- SET OFF!
- Eldest child points out huge dog turd
- Remark in OTT loud voice about how disgraceful some dog owners are
- Passing dog walker brandishes a poo in a see though orange bag in my direction
- Middle/Eldest child falls over
- Wipe tears and a snotty nose
- Chase middle child around a stranger's front garden, apologise to house owner, straighten unearthed flower bed  (x 3)
- Pretend to be scared witless by eldest child jumping from behind wall
- Stop and admire his favourite tree with middle child
- Force middle child onto buggy board
- Ignore middle child's tantrum
- Wipe  a snotty nose
- Explain to eldest child that I am also tired but also have to walk
-Reach main road and run along side of middle child who won't go on buggy board and has a fascination with the noise of the traffic
- Get off main road and swallow heart back down
- Reach pelican crossing, eldest child has tantrum about not being able to press button
- Wipe a snotty nose
- Hold on to middle child's hood till we here the peeps
- Cross the road
- Tell eldest child to run ahead, in case they're closing the doors.
- Chase middle around school outhouse
- Smile at some smartly dressed Mum holding hands of daughter with perfect pigtails
- Get blanked
-Carry middle child under one arm, pushing buggy with other, to classroom door
- Hang coat on peg
- Hand in homework/dinner money/mystery random object
- Say the longest-goodbye-known-to-man to eldest child (Romeo and Juliet departed quicker)
-  Stop middle child writing on the interactive whiteboard
- Remove middle child, who is sat crossed legs and sitting smartly amongst the class, from the class room
- Wipe a snotty nose
- Take a deep breath
- SET OFF HOME!

Every single day!