W - Weeks and Months

What is it with the weeks and months? Is there no system to correlate the two? Are they are different time frame completely? DO WEEKS NOT BELONG TO MONTHS?

I find it slightly exasperating that they are two methods to working out how pregnant you are. And they don’t seem to go together at all – like kilograms and pounds. So when somebody asks me how far gone I am, I think back to the latest e mail update from bounty, pampers or similar and reply in weeks. "29 weeks" I reply, proud of myself for knowing (usually I don't).
"Oh what's that in months?" they ask.
 "Seven?" I reply, unsure, rubbing my forehead where the pregnancy brain is palpating.
"Really so your due in November?" they ask, showing off their Maths.
"Ugh No. December. Maybe 6 months?"
"Is that all?" They squeal. "Eek you're big! Are you sure?"
At this point I should say "Do you know what. I'm 29 weeks. If you want to know the months you fucking work out. I'm struggling to remember whether its morning or afternoon."
But I don't.
Because I want people to like me.
So I say "I'll check with the midwife" and walk away. Fuming.

W - Waddling

I fight it as long as I can. The waddle. I mean, you can't strut when pregnant, but you can aim to look as less duck like as possible for as long as possible. But... then... inevitably... it becomes out of your control. You feel it in every inch of your movement, you see it on people's faces, you catch yourself in reflective windows - your waddling!

*waddle waddle pant pant waddle waddle pant* Somewhere between 6 and 8 months pregnant you stopped being a woman and became a duck-dog!

Don't worry it's only temporary.